Fighting with myself: The power of Self-Compassion
In the relentless pursuit of personal and professional growth, we often become our own harshest critics. Striving to push our limits, we sometimes fall into the trap of self-criticism when we fail to meet our expectations or encounter setbacks. This has been my own story for many years. I’ve often found myself excited and proud when life seems to be going my way, but disheartened and self-critical when it hasn’t. This looping emotion pushing me further into perfectionism and anxiety.
At the start of 2021, I started Tangible Mental Health as the next step in my budding therapy career. It seemed at first to be the thrilling next chapter in my story. Things grew smoothly, building a name and caseload for myself as I went. Over the next two years I grew big enough to aquire an office and begin exploring the prospect of hiring new employees to help meet the demands of a growing clientelle. At this point I became paralyzed by my self-criticism and anxiety. My mind told me things like “You don’t know anything about the hiring process.” “These people will depend on you and you’ll let them down.” “You don’t know the first thing about marketing.” “You really think people will want to work for you?”
Eventually the thoughts led me to doing my own therapeutic work, facing the same problems as many of my clients. In that process I learned what I had taught many times, to allow self-compassion into my life. At first I bristled at the idea, seeing it as many of us perfectionsists do, as a way to let myself off the hook. To make excuses for myself. After eventually embracing the idea however I realized that yes I was letting myself off of the hook, the hooks that kept me trapped and held me back. Through patient practice I was able to learn how to be kind to myself and how to change the perspectives I’d held onto for so long.
Now, if you haven’t seen photo for this blogpost, check it out, because I now work with a wonderful team of employees. The doubts never went away but through self-compassion I learned how to soothe my mind and act instead of waiting for a perfect moment. This blog post is for those of you like me, who are ready to stop holding yourself back and begin moving forward.
The Foundation of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion, a concept deeply rooted in mindfulness and positive psychology, encourages us to extend kindness and understanding to ourselves in moments of failure or difficulty, much as we would to a close friend. It involves recognizing our shared humanity, understanding that setbacks are a universal aspect of the human experience, and maintaining a balanced awareness of our emotions without over-identification or suppression.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Growth
1. Cultivating a Growth Mindset: Self-compassion creates a profound transformation in our approach to personal development and challenges. It moves us away from a fixed mindset, believing that our capabilities are rigid and that difficulties are too formidable to overcome. In contrast, embracing self-compassion ushers us into the realm of a growth mindset. This new perspective is rooted in the conviction that with sustained effort and unwavering perseverance, significant improvement and success are within reach. We begin to see setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow.
2. Enhancing Emotional Resilience: By treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we build emotional resilience, equipping us to navigate the ups and downs of personal and professional life. This resilience enables us to recover more quickly from setbacks, maintain our focus on long-term goals, and adapt more readily to change.
3. Reducing the Fear of Failure: The fear of failure can paralyze us, preventing us from taking risks or trying new things. Self-compassion helps mitigate this fear, reminding us that failure is not a reflection of our worth but a natural part of the learning process. This understanding fosters a more adventurous spirit and openness to new experiences.
4. Encouraging Self-Care and Well-being: Self-compassion emphasizes the importance of self-care and prioritizing our well-being. By recognizing our needs and treating ourselves kindly, we ensure that we have the physical, emotional, and mental energy to pursue our goals and withstand the pressures of our endeavors.
5. Fostering Positive Relationships: The practice of self-compassion not only improves our relationship with ourselves but also has a ripple effect on our interactions with others. By modeling self-compassion, we contribute to a more supportive and empathetic environment, which can enhance teamwork, collaboration, and mutual support in achieving collective goals.
Integrating Self-Compassion into Your Growth Strategy
Practicing Mindfulness: Develop a habit of mindfulness, paying attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This awareness creates space for a compassionate response to your own experiences.
Reframing Your Inner Dialogue: Actively work to replace self-critical thoughts with messages of kindness and encouragement, as you would offer to a friend facing similar challenges.
Embracing Common Humanity: Remind yourself that setbacks and struggles are part of the shared human experience. This perspective can reduce feelings of isolation and increase connection with others.
Prioritizing Self-Care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Whether it's through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or rest, nurturing your well-being is essential for sustained energy and focus.
Learning from Setbacks: View challenges as valuable learning opportunities. Reflect on what can be learned from each experience and how it can inform your future actions and decisions.
The journey towards personal and professional growth is inherently challenging, filled with obstacles and setbacks. However, by embracing self-compassion, we not only nurture our well-being but also unlock a powerful catalyst for growth and advancement. Self-compassion teaches us to approach our endeavors with kindness, resilience, and a deep-seated belief in our ability to evolve. In doing so, we create a sustainable path towards achieving our goals and realizing our fullest potential.
